Different Levels of Communication

In a relationship, there are usually different levels of communication, and ineffective communication often leads to a sense of insecurity.


What are the different levels of communication?


1. Listen quietly

2. Empathy

3. Understanding

4. Nonviolence Communication


Listen Quietly


In our life, when we have friends who talk about their troubles, we are often influenced by each others troubles, or think that the opportunity to show ourselves is coming.


 It’s easy to do something, such as giving some advice. You do this, you do that, you quit. Why don’t you break up with him! Usually, when most people talk, they need to listen.


The language behind the advice is: you don’t do well enough, or I know more than you – the other person doesn’t feel good, so they don’t need it. Show concern in your eyes, respond in a proper tone, and tell the other person that you are listening.


In the work of consultation, in the first few times, the consultant mainly does listening, and the visitors will feel improved. Being listened to is conducive to self-organization, but also increases strength because of the feeling of being paid attention to and valued. Friend calf is very anxious and boastful.


Every time we eat together, he will keep talking about how good he is. I also feel anxious or belittled when I communicate with him, so I will basically argue with him. Once, I noticed and tolerated my uncomfortable feeling. I just listened silently without too much response. Surprisingly, after that conversation, he was very grateful to me.



Empathy is to understand and respond to each others emotions and emotions. The premise is to feel the feelings of the other party first.


Right and wrong often separate us from others. From an emotional point of view, it goes beyond right and wrong, and people are more likely to connect.


Empathy for the other party, the other party will feel understood, accepted, can quickly establish trust and emotional connection.



Mutual understanding is the best thing.


Nonviolence Communication


For important people, express the facts, your feelings and needs, rather than criticize and evaluate others. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is not important. Some people who are difficult to get along with each other do not intend to have a deep friendship. My wife likes to talk, and my job is to listen to her all day long, so I often go home and hope I can be quiet for a while. When my wife pursues me and wants to talk to me, the violent communication is: Why are you so upset, why are you so wordy, or can you think for me – to condemn and demand her. Nonviolent Communication is to express my feelings and needs: I am tired today, I don’t want to talk, and I want to be quiet for a while. The wife may be a little lost, which is bearable, but also need to bear, interpersonal relationship, really can not guarantee mutual satisfaction in time. Most of the time, we can’t satisfy others. If one can’t accept the loss brought to each other, he may attack others and transfer the sense of loss and frustration.


Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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