There are a sentence on quora like – Marriage is like sailing against the current.
How can we set the boat forward when there are so many obstacles?
Two points: one is to have a strong engine, the other is to prevent water leakage.
The engine is your love for your spouse. The more advantages you see in your spouse, the more love you have, and the stronger the motivation for marriage to move forward. “Leakage” is your dissatisfaction with your spouse.
The more shortcomings you see in your spouse, the more unsatisfied you will be, and your marriage will not be far away from the shipwreck. No ship is leak proof at all, but in most cases, the little water seeping from the bottom plate does not affect the function of the ship. If you look at the bottom plate all day long and look for water leakage with a magnifying glass, you will neglect the maintenance and operation of the engine, and the ship will not be able to move forward. If there is a hole in the bottom of the boat and the water is surging upward, we must plug the hole quickly and help our spouse correct the fatal defect. But we can’t pay attention to the leakage of the bottom plate and ignore the maintenance and operation of the engine. What’s more important is to observe, pay more attention to and praise each others advantages carefully, so that marriage can move forward to happiness.
“Positive illusion” is the carving knife of good marriage.
Happy couples often have a positive illusion that their view of their spouse is beyond the scope of rationality. Always look at and think about the advantages of your spouse, exaggerate the advantages and narrow down the disadvantages. Obviously, this is an illusion. It is irrational, but it is a positive illusion, which is very beneficial to marriage. They don’t deny each others shortcomings, but feel that their spouse’s shortcomings are far less important than their advantages.
When we have a “positive illusion” about our spouse, on the one hand, we will be very satisfied with the marriage. One feels that she got married with a good husband, and the other feels that he got married with a beautiful wife. All of us will strive to maintain the marriage relationship. Secondly, we will explain the behavior of our spouse from the perspective of goodwill, instead of criticizing him, we can better understand him. Third, spouses will feel our “positive illusion” and consciously or unconsciously improve themselves, turning your positive illusion into a self fulfilling prophecy. The positive delusion is a self fulfilling prophecy.
Because we idealize our spouses, they can feel our encouragement, tolerance and expectation from our speech and behavior, and thus become better people.
This is one thing a couple can do to strengthen a marriage.
Obviously, positive communication is often more effective than negative communication.
If we always look at our spouse positively, our communication will be more positive.
Psychologists have found that the ratio of positive communication to negative communication between happy couples needs to be more than 5:1. Don’t think this ratio is very high. Think about it. If you say a bad word to your wife and you can make up for it by saying five good words, I have to congratulate you, big brother, you have married the most understanding wife in the world. If the ratio of positive communication to negative communication is only 1:1, then divorce may not be far away. So we must all remember to say a negative word to our spouse, at least five positive words.
Think more about your spouse
The husband and wife in a marriage need to consider each others heart and soul. They can’t be selfish. They can cooperate. Marriage is a matter for two people. It’s not like when a single person was single. You can do whatever you want. You have to consider the other half of the marriage. After all, a red book has tied you all together. You are an organic whole, and each party’s mistakes need to be shared by both parties. One side is hard, the other side will also be implicated, the heart will be bad, on the other hand, one side is happy, the other side will also feel happy, good marriage is sad about your sorrow, happy with your happiness.
Marriage is like a partnership
A good marriage should be two people working together to run the family.
Just like a tiger with wings, not a drag power.
When you put your own survival pressure on another person, how can you make sure that he can bear it?
Appreciate each other, never despise each other
Husband and wife should have wisdom and are good at discovering each others advantages from different angles and appreciating them. Never belittle each other.
As long as we can follow the above hacks, I feel like a marriage won’t be ruined, instead our marriages or relationships will get better.
The above content are 5 Things(tips) a Couple Can Do To Strengthen A Marriage.
If you have any other thoughts, marriage problems or relationship advice, comments are available.