DATING LOVE ADVICE

What is so-called soul mate?

Before discussing the issue of soul mate, we might as well reflect on such a question: “why do people need love? Can’t all emotions in this world be self-sufficient? “
From the psychological point of view, the love that people pursue in their poor life is only for the sake of the integrity of their emotions.
This means that the most essential beginning of love comes from “interpersonal attraction”. Human beings are essentially social animals, which means that people themselves need to constantly establish intimate relationships, so as to meet the safety and belonging of individuals to others.
The reason why people want to seek heterosexual communication and need a period of intimate relationship to maintain a sense of belonging is actually derived from their own genetic characteristics of survival. In order to relieve pressure and find a sense of belonging, they need to communicate with others.
Therefore, what we often refer to as “love”, in a broad sense, is that we need an individual who depends on and influences each other to accompany our growth. In a narrow sense, what we are looking for is actually “looking for another self in this world”.

In a sense, people’s attachment to intimacy is actually to meet their lack of sense of need in childhood. Simply put, the reason why we fall in love with a person deeply is that there is a “need to make up for the emotional needs we have never experienced.”.

For example, when you were growing up as a child, you were extremely lack of recognition and appreciation from others. When you were looking for intimate partners, you could not help but favor those “who can give you a sense of concern.”. For example, if you often cheat on your parents and quarrel with each other, you will be more inclined to those who can give you a sense of security in your choice of spouse after adulthood.

For ordinary people, you may not realize “why do you like him”, but from your subconscious point of view, this person has “some or more emotions you have been longing for”, so you can’t help but rely on him. But you need to be clear about the crucial point – you’re not looking for exactly the same person in the world, but a partner who is different and can fit in with your incomplete self. As like as two peas in a vivid example, it is like an incomplete mosaic. What really makes you love is not the same puzzle, but the puzzle that can complement you.
To be honest, there are often men and women who whisper to me, “why doesn’t my partner understand me at all? Even if I have said something, I have to explain it to him again? ” Whenever I hear such a question, I will use a very popular reason to explain it: imagine that even parents who have lived with you for decades may know your habits and your temper, but they are not worms in your stomach and can’t understand you in everything. So what about a partner you’ve only been with for years or even months?

To tell you frankly, what is spiritual communication? What is effective communication? What is a soul mate?
It doesn’t mean that when you say the first half of a sentence, he can accurately connect the second half.
It’s not to say that when you talk about an interesting thing, he can fully understand the point. This is too superficial and one-sided for the spiritual partner.
In fact, the formation of each person’s personality, speech and understanding ability is actually caused by the original family and the environment of postnatal growth, and even if a person loves you again after adulthood, he will not be able to completely change and identify with him. The reason is very simple – personality is a deep-rooted gene, two people can only find a common comfortable balance point in the intimate relationship, and it is unrealistic to want one person to completely change for you.

Similarly, there is no such partner as you in this world. Even if it appears, you won’t like him, because you can be self-sufficient in everything he has. What can you get in love besides carnal desire?

The tacit understanding between partners is not given to you by God. He doesn’t understand the red number, you don’t understand the shoe culture, but he can give you a favorite lipstick as a gift on your birthday, and you can also give him a pair of sneakers.

Both sides will not force each other to fully agree with their own world, but I understand your views, and you can respect my three views. Why do you ask the question “he’s just accommodating me, but he doesn’t understand me”? To be honest, it’s not easy for your partner to accommodate you. Especially for women, there is no need to feel sensitive and anxious. Really don’t expect them to bring you any surprise and romance. Sometimes, it’s not that they don’t want to give you, but in their world, it’s monotonous and lonely as always.

Although sometimes, they accompany you around the street, yawn for days, take pictures of you in some suffocating ways, and play games in their own small world when they are free. However, for these male creatures, it is not easy for them to accommodate you, respect your hobbies, and not accuse you of doing things you don’t want to do. Believe me.

In the eyes of girls, only one boy who understands you is the real soul mate.

But do you know what a spiritual partner is in a boy’s world? 
In short, if there is a problem, it will be solved. If there is no problem, don’t make problems. For the vast majority of boys, if any girl can do this, it will be enough for them to “meet and not to seek”. Therefore, he can respect your three outlooks and life, you can also understand his difficulties and hobbies, make up for each others shortcomings, achieve their own advantages, sometimes can support each other to lead a life, and sometimes can be independent in their own spiritual world. This is actually a tacit understanding that many partners are difficult to achieve. Don’t overestimate the power of spirit, nor underestimate the ability to tolerate and understand each other.

Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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