How can I get over a break up? Chapter Eight

1. The third cycle: recognition, integration and acceptance ”


One day I suddenly realized that I had been crying for a long time, and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t thought about him for a long time.


This feeling came quietly, I know, I’m getting better.” “I thought I was getting better, but I was feeling down again and again and again. My party probably couldn’t get past this hurdle. After several repetitions, I came out of the jungle of love. And when that day comes, I can honestly say that I have cleared the customs.” The last cycle of grief is acceptance, sometimes called recognition or integration.


Entering this cycle does not mean that you will be happy, but it means that you start to move forward and feel calm about the breakup. Accepting loss does not mean forgetting or being sad, but it marks the turning point in your last cycle. Acceptance means understanding what happened, and the past cannot be changed. When you pass the most difficult emotional hurdles, you will often feel the first taste of acceptance.


Although after that, you will be emotional again and will fall back to the second cycle of the grief process, but this feeling of acceptance will eventually come back. Until then, you will calmly accept the loss, and the acceptance cycle will last longer than pain. This is the last cycle of grief.


About life and loss, you will have a new understanding, because you have reorganized your personal life from a deeper level.


When people go through a significant loss, there will be new life priorities, new values, and perspectives different from the past. At such moments, people tend to make some important changes: they will change jobs, go back to school, or move to another state, or start to take life goals seriously. Once you feel accepted, set goals and plan for the next few years. Even if you retreat to a situation where you are doing emotional homework, you can start drawing a blueprint.


When you return to the accepted state, you can re-examine the goal plan and refine it. The integration of loss means that you have discovered a new face in life, and you begin to enjoy life again, instead of carrying guilt and pain. In this cycle, people often take care of the needs and feelings they have ignored for a long time, and give rise to a loss of courage and strength that they did not have before. Integrating it means allowing yourself to live again and love again.


This will allow you to move on with a new understanding and appreciation of yourself. Regarding acceptance, there is one last sentence I want to give you: Acceptance comes quietly, and it also uses cycles as the melody. When you really find it, please accept it and enjoy it. You may find it strange that it is not the same as you expected.


At certain moments, you will feel extremely happy, sometimes there is only a kind of empty space, as if something is lost, or it seems to become calm and peaceful again. Please live with peace and security. It shows that life is functioning normally. Soon, you will be able to turn this page to help others heal. Please let more people understand that it is painful and difficult to do things for loss (break up), but the harvest is surprising.




Breaking up is a war, but you have weapon, and you can heal.

Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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