How can I get over a break up? Chapter Six

2.6. Anxiety


After the loss, many people know that they will be sad, angry, upset, and even confused.


What people usually don’t expect is that they are anxious.


When the first wave of anxiety strikes, we will feel unsure and always want to find something to do.


Severe points will be manifested in the body, you will become irritable and extremely sensitive to noise and movement. You may feel that your heart is about to jump out, or your hands are shaking constantly.


Anxiety may won’t make you sleep well and eat well.


The anxiety that accompanies the grief process makes you weak. These physiological symptoms caused by anxiety make you want to see a doctor and prescribe medication that can temporarily relieve symptoms. If you are not serious enough to have to go to the hospital, you might as well try self-healing techniques.


Find a room you like, or just in the bedroom, to create a relaxing atmosphere, you can light some candles, or use soft lighting. Put on some light music and relax yourself. Lie down, close your eyes, and visualize yourself in some calming places like beaches and waterfalls. If you don’t know how to visualize and cannot relax, you can also buy some relaxing, meditation or self-hypnotic audio. Maybe you can get a massage or go to the spa for a treatment. It is also helpful to write this down or talk to friends.


2.7. Ambiguity


Ambiguity is an emotional experience inherent in all grief, including the death of a loved one.


In people’s expectations, there are often only feelings of love, hate, sadness or anger, but they don’t expect that sometimes all emotions are intertwined, and sometimes they don’t even know what they are. The grief process can be very confusing, especially when emotions that seem to have nothing to do with grief emerge and almost engulf you. You are going crazy and feel powerless. Sometimes you don’t know how you feel, sometimes you don’t seem to feel anything; sometimes you feel a deep love, and then a strong hatred: sometimes you feel that Leek is often sad, but when you are sad, you start to get angry. Sometimes emotions come and go without warning.


You really want to figure out what these emotions are, but you can’t control how you will feel in the next moment. It’s normal not to know how you feel. When you have no feelings or only indescribable indifference, you can thank for such a buffer period. When you think you should feel something, or others say you should feel something, but you don’t have these feelings, there is no need to blame yourself. Accept this kind of ambivalence. When you are ready, other emotions will become clear. Feeling is not right or wrong, feeling is just feeling. Just allow it.


Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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