How can I get over a break up? Chapter Five

2.4. Anger


After breaking up, anger is a reasonable response.


The feeling of being deprived can make people angry.


Although anger is a normal emotion, it is not appropriate to act on anger.


You can and should admit your anger. You can have anger, write about it, talk about it, and it will eventually dissipate. Just don’t put anger into action, or anger others. You feel that anger is unacceptable, bad, and wrong, and then you suppress it, and it will run out of other places. Some people refuse to admit anger, so they vent their anger on others from beginning to end, always in a state of irritability, irritability, or often irritable and hostile. These are different forms of unexpressed anger. If you are inexplicably depressed in life, you may have emotional problems related to anger. When you face your anger for the first time, you may not only feel anger, but rage. Acknowledge it and vent it, but don’t anger others. When driving or dealing with people, you must pay attention to this point, so as to avoid improper behavior of spreading anger on others. Your anger belongs to you. Own it. Place it. Here are some ways to help you manage your anger: Write to those who make you angry, including your parents and lovers, but don’t post it; Talk to friends; Talk to the therapist; Go out and take a good walk; Heavy packages; smashing old dishes; exercising; screaming in the car; hitting pillows with a stick; tearing paper (better use old postcards or letters from your ex). You can also change the opposite way and try to calm yourself down. Meditate, relax, take a deep breath or count to 10.


If you really can’t control it, you can see a counselor, psychotherapist or doctor, or take an anger management course.


In fact, depression and anger are two sides of the same thing. Some people say that turning anger from the outside to the inside is melancholy, on the contrary, turning melancholy from the inside to the outside becomes anger.


2.5. Guilt


Guilt is a normal part of the grief process.

No matter how decent you are in your relationship, you will always feel guilty for something you have done or haven’t done, what you said or haven’t said. We always want to make things different. However, guilt is not only useless, it can even be counterproductive.


Guilt makes you feel that the breakup was caused by you. If you apologize sincerely or act in another way, your relationship will not be a problem. Falling into guilt will greatly hinder your progress. As long as you feel that you still have a chance to redeem and indulge in what you have done or have not done before, you cannot move forward.


Guilt comes from your inability to accept the established facts. It is an illusion that you think you have the power to go back and correct the past. However, you cannot go back in time. Even if you can, the ending will not change.


What happened is what happened, turning around is just doing useless work. If you need to write an apology letter (a letter that will not be sent), then write it. It’s just a reporter. Even if you made a mistake and broke up, you also need to accept this fact, learn from it, and move on. No gold is pure, no one is perfect.

Even if you make a big mistake, you still have to do this homework. Heal yourself well and take responsibility for your actions is the best correction to the past.


Maybe you have always been a “good boy”, just feeling guilty about some of the

shortcomings you have noticed. Write it down in your diary and write down all the things you feel guilty about. 

It can also be stored in close relationship combing and life inventory. In any case, please remember that guilt will only be counterproductive, so throw it all away.

Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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