What tips or advice can you offer about fostering good communication in a relationship? Chapter One

Let’s take a look at the common ones first-

Poor communication

First of all, unhappy partners behave badly in terms of precision. If they complain about something, they are rarely accurate; on the contrary, they tend to count their wishes (kitchen-sinking), that is, talk about several issues at the same time (so that they talk about many issues but forget what they just complained about. ). This usually drowns their most concern in many frustrating incidents that are condemned at the same time.

For example, if you feel annoyed that your partner has to go to the business hall to go through the relevant procedures because your partner is late to pay the electricity bill, they may say: “It’s not just because you are careless, but because you are playing with your friends and friends. Things never take heart.” Their conversations often deviate from the subject (off-beam), that is, from one question to another, so that the conversation can never last long enough on one question: “You never do what I say, you and your Mother is as stubborn as you are, and you always stand by her side.” In this way, a long list of concerns were tossed, and none of them could be solved.

Second, unhappy partners also behave badly in listening to each other. They rarely have the patience to think carefully about what their partner said, but rush to conclusions (often assuming the worst-case scenario), and suddenly change their approach based on their guessed partner’s intentions. One of its manifestations is mind reading, which is the assumption that one can understand a partner’s thoughts, emotions and opinions without asking. All intimate partners show a certain degree of “mind-reading”, but unhappy partners “mind-reading” in a critical and malicious way. Neutral or positive motives are often interpreted by them as bad intentions: “You are so He said that he wanted to make me angry because he retaliated against me for what happened that day.”

In addition, unhappy partners interrupt the conversation in a negative way more than happy partners. Not all interruptions will cause disgust. Interrupting a partner in order to show approval or ask for an explanation can actually communicate happily and effectively. But if the conversation is interrupted to show disagreement or change the subject, it may appear to be insufficiently respectful to the partner. 
An unhappy partner can always find faults or infeasibility in any words the other person has said, always using the yes-butting sentence, which constantly conveys criticism of other people’s views: “Yes , We can give it a try, but this is not feasible because…”. Unhappy partners will also engage in cross-complaining, avoiding the other’s concerns, and only use their own complaints to respond to their partner’s complaints, instead of paying attention to what the partner says: “I hate you Put it in the sink without washing”, “Hmph, I hate you throwing clothes on the floor.”

Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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