What thoughts are harmful to a relationship?

Regard the other’s love as an eternal attribute.

Love is a state, not an attribute. Love is not a sacred and lofty thing. On the contrary, love is very fragile. Love will change with the influence of many subjective and objective factors, and it needs both sides to work together to maintain it. Many girls in love rely on each other to love themselves, and they start to act unscrupulously, constantly asking for how they are happy, and over time they wear away the other’s patience and love, and then they regretted not when they were completely separated.

There will be rewards for paying in the relationship

Girls are prone to extremes. In addition to crazy demand, there is no brain to give, which is common in the stage of pursuit and recovery. However, the emotional world is not a utopia that pays back, and the emotions are full of games. The best prerequisite for paying in an intimate relationship is “willingly”. Any paying with a strong purpose will only lead to a further imbalance in the relationship between the two parties. The deeper and deeper the relationship, the deeper and further away from the purpose.

My own pain is caused by the other party.

I have been in contact with many women who have strong desire for control and lack of security. They value feelings very seriously, and once they lose control of their intimacy, they fall into endless pain. And they will attribute the source of this pain to the other party, and then take “retaliation” to respond, such as quarreling, cold violence, breaking up and other behaviors to retaliate against each other, but they often backfire and eventually fall in love and kill each other. In fact, many times, the source of pain is yourself: you are not confident enough to feel insecure, you are afraid of injury, you have a strong desire to control, you don’t love yourself enough to take your feelings too seriously… These are your own problems, and others. It has nothing to do, revenge will not solve any problems, only self-adjustment can cut off the suffering from the source.

Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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