What is the best mindset to have before going into a relationship?

Be prepared for disappointment or even injury before falling in love…

Ah, is it too cruel to say that… Then another way of saying it:

Before falling in love, you must first adjust your expectations for love. Many common expectations seem good, but true love is often difficult to achieve. In the end, such expectations make it more difficult for two people to get along. If you don’t adjust these expectations, you can only prepare for disappointment and even injury…

Expectation 1: The other ONE can always understand ourselves.

In the ideal relationship of many people, we can always understand each other’s meaning, and we can understand each other’s mind with just one look. We hope that needless to say, the other party can also see our loss and expectations and make a specific response. We often use “don’t say whether you can understand” to measure whether the other person cares about ourselves, and think that many words are meaningless.

Expectation 2: Two people’s love and dedication must be equal.

We all want each other to love ourselves as much as we love each other. When judging the weight of each other’s love, we often measure it by the way we treat each other-“I spend my free time on you, so should you”; “I cut off contact with other opposite sexes for you, and you should also So”-In essence, there is nothing wrong with the desire to have the love of both sides equal. What goes wrong is the way we judge love.

This hypothesis that the way of expressing love for both parties should be the same is called illusion of sameness in psychology, that is, the mistaken belief that the other party and oneself should be consistent in behavior and reaction to events. For example, when one party expresses his desire to be alone, the other party will interpret this as a manifestation of his partner’s not loving himself, because “I want your company when I’m not happy, why would you want to be alone What?” For another example, when one party expresses a desire to be comforted instead of listening to advice, the other party will feel confused, because “If I encounter such a thing, the first response is definitely to find a solution. There is comfort. What’s the use?”

Expectation 3: Avoid quarrels and conflicts as much as possible

Although we all know that rational expression of one’s thoughts can calm or avoid quarrels, and emotions often escalate conflicts-but to stay calm during quarrels, most people may not be able to do so.

The reality is often that we are holding back our anger and want to discuss something peacefully, but end up in a heated argument. There are a lot of hurtful things that are not our intention, but they all come up when we get excited. If you or the other person is also a person who is easy to quarrel, it is not practical to expect to avoid intense quarrels, but may be frustrated because of inability to control emotions during quarrels And add more troubles to yourself.

When we no longer have the above expectations, the relationship seems a bit difficult-we have to work hard to say what we do not want to say, we have to learn to understand the difference between each other and ourselves, we have to accept the possibility of quarrels and do Efforts to make up after an accident.

However, it is better to use your own efforts to build the desired relationship from the beginning of love, rather than holding infinite romantic fantasies and then ending with countless regrets and regrets. Love may not be so perfect and easy, but we are not powerless about it.

thanks for reading.

Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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