99% of people who can’t fall in love don’t understand this

“Work hard but don’t worry, everything has a process”
American psychologists Robert F. Bernstein and Mary a. languland wrote in the book relationship: moderate dependence brings us closer: “too much dependence and too much independence will make the intimate relationship too alienated.”
The boy’s love is to reduce the score system. Everything is good in the beginning. It doesn’t matter whether you are beautiful or ugly. At that time, you are full score. But after a long time, the lower the score is, the lower the score will be, so he leaves you.
The girl’s love is the bonus point system. At first, you can find out all his faults. Time goes by and you get used to his life. The higher the score, the more you can’t leave him. At the same time, he has lost patience, so you suffer.

So what do we have to know in order to be a “relationship expert”?


Don’t be too cold
Try your best when you’re in love, but be decisive when you leave.I know the truth, but it’s hard to do it. Girls are often “cold” when they are in love.
Girls like to play cat and mouse with boys. However, boys will run before girls get to them.

In the middle of love, if you quarrel and don’t bow your head, wait for your boyfriend to coax you. Besides, if you are cold, your boyfriend will be indifferent to you. Anyway, you are not satisfied. In the late stage of love, we all love face and refuse to admit our mistakes. We always take a “I am the reason” attitude and break up at last . 

I always feel that “love is not precious when we say it”. I firmly hold the self-esteem in our hands. If I am more active, I will lose a piece of meat. I will not say love easily, express my missing actively, and keep face first.
The result of this performance is that other people gather enough disappointment to leave, but you realize later that you can’t live without him.
If you don’t express your love, you can’t even fart. You are miserable and heartbroken but he does not know how you think, is it necessary?


Over comparison
There are many aspects that can be compared in a relationship.

Compare who loves more, who cares less about herself than he used to, how much his friends pay for his girlfriend, and how he and her ex-boyfriends treat her.
In fact, this kind of comparison is very deadly. It will strike at each other’s self-confidence and slowly cool down their feelings.
A girl came to do emotional counseling. She said when she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, she thought he was not good at anything.

When she saw her friend buying flowers for his girlfriend every week and one of her friends writes love letters to his girlfriend every month, the girl felt that her ex-boyfriend is very low. 

But after the separation, the girl thought that her ex-boyfriend would pick her up every day, buy her delicious food, and accompany her when the girl needed him. Maybe other boyfriend could not do these things.
At that time, she was not sensible. she always liked to tell him where they used to play with her ex-boyfriend and what they did.
Fools all know that these are minefields in love. Men don’t talk about them, but they actually remember that and they will think that you not only love comparison, but alson haggle over every ounce.

Don’t try to change people all the time
Don’t try to change your other half’s soul, thought and behavior. For you, accept them or leave them.
In fact, there are many times when you try to change your lover, it doesn’t mean that they are not good enough, just that you are selfish.
You can change your position and think about how you would feel if you were not always accepted by others.
In fact, you can’t accept each other’s little things, but as time goes on, these little things will cause you to have a lot of dissatisfaction and negative emotions, while for the other half, they will only let him remember your insidious face when you criticize him.
So stop thinking about changing your partner and try to accept and understand them, especially your lover. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should suffer abuse or other unfair treatment


Just say that the other party has changed, but don’t look at the reasons for the change.
With the continuous development of the relationship, the role orientation of each of us will change, and we all feel that this road is not easy to come by.

But in some partners, the change endangers their relationship.
The reason is that many people are demanding each other with the standards of the past. They are totally unaware of the changes in the roles and behaviors of the two people as they grow up and the environment changes.
You take the past measure of value to measure the current behavior, of course, you will feel that the other party has lost value, and then you will be tired of this long-term relationship.
After marriage, the girl must have paid much attention to the small family. If she is as free and easy as before, she will surely lack a very important link to maintain the small family.

But boys don’t realize this paying, and they also take the measure of youth and beauty when they were in love in the past to measure the attraction of the other half to themselves. In this way, the conclusion can only be that the other side is no longer held in esteem.
We can’t see the change of two people’s surrounding environment. We still use the past standard to measure the other half. Most of them will feel pain and boredom in their feelings. This kind of people don’t have the ability to continuously discover the value of each other. Naturally, they can’t maintain the long-term relationship between the long front line and the continuous change of surrounding environment.


Turn into the girl that the boy likes.
I know too many girls and lose themselves for men.
I used to be a good smoker with FanFan. We tried all kinds of cigarettes, but she gave up smoking after she was with her boyfriend. “He said that girls are not good at smoking, so I don’t smoke.” she said it firmly, but she didn’t have happiness in her eyes.
He didn’t like her to wear sexy clothes, so she wore a pair of jeans on a hot day and I called her a fool.
He doesn’t like that she has heterosexual friends around her, so she deleted all male friends and me in WeChat.

In the end, he deleted FanFan, because he couldn’t accept her went out in a miniskirt.
When you want to change for him, he has changed his love for you, not just because of that skirt, but because he will never be worried about your mood again.
There’s nothing wrong with changing for the one you love. It’s just that most boys don’t always like girls who are too docile. 
Sometimes I feel sad when I think about it. You stick to that road just because you have no other way to go.
Just like you insist on not letting go, just because you don’t know who you can love again.
When you want to fall in love, be brave. As for the outcome, it’s up to heaven, not you.
If life is all you can grasp, then life is boring.
No caprice, no reason, just love.

Samuel Whyte

A psychology enthusiast, interested in movies, painting,psychology, hiking, workout etc.

Speaks Chinese and English.

Currently lives in Shanghai, China.

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